There never really seemed to be a category for this one. That there is a whole bunch of us, the ones that made it to the brink of death and somehow made the return trip. Maybe on an emotional or physical level.

The circumstances could have been war, a car accident, a medical surgery gone wrong, divorce, abuse; whatever the details, the fact that we were permanently changed was the result; something outside of ourselves a very spiritual experience to the human condition that was a seismic shift of epic proportions.

Never to be the same again.

Complex PTSD, over the last decade become a catch phrase, a buzzword, an entire wave of people that identify with the symptoms and allow it to become their diagnosis and accept that this is the reason they are the way they are. In todays’ existence and life’s pendulum swing, many who were stifled now own megaphones; many who were neglected are the most attention seeking and somehow we ended up with a society that boasts not just one diagnosis but several. Mental health and wellness became a beast of juggernaut with no end in sight. Where once society seemed to paint a perfect picture of a life from the outside looking in was, flawless. Now we are very open to admit how flawed we truly are. Even in boastful ways from influencers and the like. Where once we had privacy, no we face exploitation, status’ and very public audiences for our tears and fears.

When everything is wide open, nothing is sacred, nothing is protected.

Complex Post Traumatic Stress disorder by definition is:

“Complex post-traumatic stress disorder is a mental health condition that can develop if you experience chronic (long-term) trauma. It involves stress responses, such as:

• Anxiety.
• Having flashbacks or nightmares.
• Avoiding situations, places and other things related to the traumatic event.
• Heightened emotional responses, such as impulsivity or aggressiveness.
• Persistent difficulties in sustaining relationships.

Examples of chronic trauma include:

• Long-term child physical or sexual abuse.
• Long-term domestic violence.
• Being a victim of human or sex trafficking.
• War.
• Frequent community violence.

While CPTSD is often associated with chronic trauma in childhood, adults who experience chronic trauma can also develop the condition.” (source: my.clevelandclinic.org)

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Essentially this particular struggle isn’t one that is easily navigated by mere diagnosis. Often, the most common recommended coping skills are:

Deep breathing, worksheets, medication, journaling and therapy.

The reality of C-PTSD is being in a constant state of ready for the other shoe to drop, for the worst case scenario to happen as it already has. It is a mental hijacking, held hostage by a brain that hits a trip wire and flashes back to the event or events or series of; a runaway train. Control and autonomy were obliterated and the constant, chronic splinter in the brain is to somehow pick up the pieces of a shattered life deeply knowing on a soul level that there is no return trip. That the pieces won’t ever properly fit together, that life before seems to be running parallel to the one we are on. Like being forced into the passenger seat on an endless road trip with no destination and a stranger at the wheel. CPTSD is it’s own type of hell. While there are obvious degrees and variations, the process is real, the work is hard and the outcome depends upon the willingness to seek the overcome.

CPTSD can feel like a permanent life sentence. Honestly counseling can seem like a daunting task that couldn’t possibly help or make a difference. Honestly it may be a combination of receiving help, participating actively in recovery, coping skills, medication, lifestyle changes, a retraining of the brain, forming new habits, reality orientation; just as we often have to follow a regime for physical therapy, so is the mind a training ground susceptible to rehabilitation.

It’s quite common for anyone experiencing CPTSD to want it all to end, to battle suicidal ideation. To turn to addictions in a variety of forms. To struggle to want to get out of bed. To see the necessary requirements of daily life as trivial and pointless. To feel like they are no longer the captain of the ship, but on a sinking ship that’s headed to run aground.

Healing is possible.

Don’t give up.

No matter how we see life right now, it doesn’t predict the future.

Trauma was never the end of our story, just part of it.

Our brain and neuroplasticity, neuropathways…beyond the terminology, there is hope.

We can heal. We can change. We can grow.

We can breathe without the tightness in our chest. Walk upright without the burden on our shoulders. Think clearly with sound mind and sober judgement. Laugh without fear. Experience emotions apart from apathy and numbness. Live in peace without the fear of flashbacks. Live in our present now without the threat of being dragged back into the hell of the past.

Not empty promises and empty fantasies in the land of wishful thinking.

Real life.