Resiliency has often been the theme for “healing” but beyond the cliched route of “just get over it” or the ability to stuff things down and behave as if we are unaffected by it: there is more to explore in the realm of recovery. Apprehension is a common feeling amongst the venture into seeking outside assistance in counseling. Mindsets and misconceptions can prevent reaching out. 

Stigma has often piggybacked onto the cultural mindset into the counseling world. Belief systems and influences from different sources permeate into the decision to seek help. The most common lines that ricochet out into the void are:

“It’s all in your head.” 

“It’s a “you” problem.”

“Asking for help is weak.”

“To admit difficulty is to come into agreement with failure.”

“You’re crazy. You belong in one of them mental places.”

The truth about mental health help is quite different and non-threatening. It’s very simply meant to be a safe place to communicate the internal workings of the mind and the soul. It isn’t meant to label or pigeonhole a person and reduce them down to a helpless state of being. Rather, it is an empowerment. Akin it to bringing a vehicle into the shop, looking under the hood and seeing how things work and what needs attention. It is a shared endeavor to embark upon together. It’s not meant to be a burdensome complicated process. I often find that, life bears isolation, loneliness and solitude as it is, And while seasons of this are useful for growth and introspection. We aren’t meant to walk this path alone, indefinitely. Counseling is a welcoming place to communicate, process and work through anything that needs to be addressed. 

In the past I have seen fear residing behind composed facades and nervous body language in session. An internal struggle existing within to the vast majority bringing insecurity and preconceived notions into the meeting. This is a very human way to respond as often intimacy has bore a high price and demanded more than one could give. Vulnerability meant being a target and wouldn’t judgement and pain result from “opening up”?

What is the first session like? Mainly an introduction an organic evolution of rapport building and being willing to be transparent enough to be honest and letting go of the feeling of “facing the firing squad.” It’s not an appointment designed to demand more trust than is earned, it is a “meet where you’re at” type of atmosphere without expectations or demands.

My favorite question to ask has been “What’s your story?” I enjoy hearing the unfiltered narrative and process, unique unto each person I’ve had the honor to work alongside. I’m not one to sugar coat and I appreciate the emotional rawness that it takes to truly communicate what someone has experienced and what they live with. My role as a counselor is not one of superiority but rather one of awareness; that life, pain, trauma, the human condition is easier navigated as there is safety in numbers. Much like making a mutual commitment to work on a project together. It’s a blank canvas.

Counseling is communication, talking, active listening, presence. It’s hearing what’s been left unsaid. It’s interpreting the information and being fully present with undivided attention. Counseling has a way to fill in the blanks for anyone in need of healthy support and encouragement. It lacks the weight of friends or family members that judge or give unsolicited advice. It’s the freedom of speech, without the concern of packaging it in a socially acceptable way.

Ultimately counseling is the place to be 100% our whole and authentic selves. It is not fear of being unaccepted, rejected or controlled. It is a designated time to set the armor down and rest. It is a place that gives permission to exist as is but encourages change and growth.

Counseling seems like a daunting, weighted task when there is already so many ever present constant demands. But it really is in its basic form, showing up and talking. There are no “awkward” silences, just space to process, to reflect, to speak freely and at ease. It’s thinking out loud. It’s a welcoming and an acceptance. It’s a bring all the junk and set it down, let’s sift through it at a reasonable pace. The existential journey is one that need not be rushed or hurried, forced or coerced. I wouldn’t boast to say that I have “heard it all” but being in the trenches for over 16 years and hearing the war stories, I am honored to be a seasoned veteran, unafraid of truth and unphased by trauma. I want to hear it, your story, as it is, unedited and unapologetically spoken.

Counseling should be associated with comfort, safety, security and peace. The words intimacy, vulnerability and nurturing can often evoke feelings of discomfort if there were negative experiences of the past that remain fresh in the mind. Counseling is the safe haven. It is a calling to be with another person, accepting their present form but also encouraging their truest form to manifest and materialize, healed and whole.

In all actuality, a therapist or counselor that only has an eye on the time, makes blanket statements, encourages only medication and drops diagnosis only; perhaps that may be helpful to some out there. But counseling is really the opportunity to freely navigate through the challenges of life and the unresolved past. It is not a reliving, it is a validation. Healing is a process and will be unique unto you.

Protection and privacy are essential. I operate under the umbrella of confidentiality and what is said in session, remains in session.

There is hope. There is healing. There is recovery. There is the possibility of living a life of peace and serenity. Coping skills are much like filling a tool box of useless tools when before it may have been empty or the old ways.

While it may seem like coming to the edge of a great cliff and being asked to jump; it is honestly an offered hand to step away from the edge and take the long way down, at a slow steady pace, with pauses and breaks. it is an unhurried stroll with a trusted source that wants to accompany you on the journey.

I hope that this information brings you comfort and sets your mind at ease. If you’re ready, I’m ready. I look forward to hearing from you.

In hope and encouragement,

Amy Smith